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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
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In
this
 day and age, there are various
researcher
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researchers
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 and passengers
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 now able to travel to distant isolated
areas
 thanks to the rapid development of technology. From a personal perspective,
while
this
 trend is beneficial to some extent, I would argue that its disadvantages are more significant, and
this
 essay shall shed light on the rationales. In terms of the advantages, strange sites that are not investigated will bring some positives to
humans
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human
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 lives.
To begin
 with, the trend of travelling to remote
areas
 could help develop the tourism industry in these locations, which might create more job opportunities for local
people
such
 as
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 tour guides or
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in hotels and restaurants. Since going to other cities or countries has been too common for most
people
, it might be more exciting for them to explore new places
such
 as the South Pole or the Amazon rainforest.
Furthermore
, when visiting remote
areas
, visitors might acquire more knowledge about the natural habitat
as well as
 have deeper insights into species.
For instance
, when going to the North Pole,
scientists
 can learn about the life of polar bears, which live far away from humans.
This
 newfound knowledge can be a precursor to clinical breakthroughs or provide
scientists
 with comprehensive insights to more effectively deal with environmental issues
such
 as climate change.
Conversely
, regarding the disadvantages, there are significant
negative
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negatives
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 related to the environment when
scientists
 and tourists travel to the remote natural environment. The first one is that travelling to remote natural
areas
 can be risky if the
travelers
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travellers
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 are not adequately prepared because health services or hospitals in these places might not be available or limited.
For example
, the temperature at the South Pole is usually very low, which adversely affects
people
’s health. Travelling to forests can
also
 be dangerous as
people
 have to face the risk of being attacked by animals. Another noteworthy point to discuss is that since visiting isolated places often requires a large amount of investment in researching and ensuring the safety of
travelers
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travellers
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, the costs of travelling tend to be high.
Therefore
, it seems like only
scientists
 and rich
people
 can afford
this
 activity, so
this
 development is likely to benefit only a small group of individuals. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of
people
 being able to travel to remote
areas
 outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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Task Response
Your response is adequate but lacks in-depth analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of traveling to remote areas. You need to demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic and its implications.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, which is good. However, your essay lacks clear transitions between ideas, and there are some coherence and cohesion issues in the body paragraphs. Your ideas sometimes feel disjointed and disconnected.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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