IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbour in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbour #cities
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There can be little doubt that a person who doesn't know their neighbour in large cities.
This
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 problem is attributed to playing
games
Use synonyms
 and being too lazy to go outside but can be addressed by discipline
games
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 and encouraging them to go outside do activities, play business and do gymnastics. The underlying root of the problem is almost always minors who are addicted to playing
games
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.
In other words
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, today youth spend the most time playing
games
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 and staying at home, they deny all the invites to go outside.
Consequently
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, minors
lack
Verb problem
fail
show examples
 to wear glasses, do not have sustainable health, perceive them will be decreased about the world and will not have friends because no one wants to play with them. In Vietnam, the ratio of juveniles addicted to playing
games
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 is 70%, and all of them have worn glasses for
games
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, mobile phones and other devices. Another factor may be the parents do not care for their child, they just want to earn more and more money. Despite parents' good intentions, the regrettable reality is that many people need more time or ability to raise their children to go play and hang out with friends.
This
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 situation stems from having too little time for both work and parenting.
As a result
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, young juveniles may go outside play business, watch sports or enjoy activities.
This
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 is true in Vietnam, where youngsters just stay at home and play
games
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.
Thus
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, it can be seen that young juveniles addicted to playing
games
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 result from bad parenting and the environment where they are raised.
Therefore
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, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of being friendly with their neighbours, going outside and doing some activities.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to unclear logical structure, lack of introduction and conclusion. The main points are weakly supported.
task response
The task response is incomplete, with unclear and weakly supported ideas. There is a lack of introduction and conclusion which affects the response.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is limited, with repetitive language and limited vocabulary. More varied and precise vocabulary is needed to improve the essay.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense errors, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Pay attention to these errors and strive for more complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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