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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the world's top three producers for four different dairy products (milk, cheese, butter, milk powder) in the year of 2012

The charts below give information about the world's top three producers for four different dairy products (milk, cheese, butter, milk powder) in the year of 2012
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of
milk
Use synonyms
, cheese, butter, and
milk
Use synonyms
 powder produced in different countries in 2012. In general, it is noticeable that the amount of
EU
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 produced is the highest,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for the United
State
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States
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Milk
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 seems to be the most produced by all countries. In 2012, the figure for
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EU produced
Add a hyphen
EU-produced
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milk
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 was 142,970, followed by India and the United
State
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States
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 which stood at 127,000 and 90,038 respectively.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the figure for Cheese produced by Brazil was only 700,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
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 produced 7,120 tons
Cheese
Change preposition
of Cheese
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 which
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
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 than that of the United St about 3,000. In terms of butter producers in 2012, India was produced 4,500 which higher
twice
Rephrase
apply
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than those in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Eu
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Eu
Correct your spelling
EU
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. The United
State
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States
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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produced only 800 butters. Meanwhile, 1,200 was the figure for
Milk
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 Powder which was produced in China,
while
Linking Words
than
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apply
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that in
Use synonyms
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
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 and New Zealand was 770 and 1,110 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, eu with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dairy products
  • producers
  • milk
  • cheese
  • butter
  • milk powder
  • production volume
  • market leader
  • trend
  • anomaly
  • population
  • farming technology
  • export
  • ranking
  • data analysis
  • summary
  • chart comparison
  • top producers
  • domestic consumption
  • agricultural economy
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