IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Many people believe that the young should take a gap year before going to university. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this choice before concluding that the former is more significant.

#people #gap #year #university #attempts #light #merits #demerits #choice
Many people believe that the youth should take a gap from their studies after graduation of their schooling
instead
 of getting admission to the University.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
 choice before concluding that the former is more significant. On the one hand, getting a job or travelling right after high
school
 is disadvantageous to some extent. The foremost shortcoming is that students lose the momentum to study. To explain
this
, the information they have learnt could fade away after taking a year gap from high
school
.
As a result
, learners could suffer from getting knowledge from a new curriculum
while
 pursuing their degree education.
In addition
, travel costs them a great deal of money. Especially if they move to another
country
, they will have to ask for support from parents for 12 months expenses of food, accommodation, flight tickets, which may become a heavy burden on their family.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that young graduates should choose to postpone higher education. One reason is that
this
 decision could give high
school
 seniors opportunities to gain valuable experience.
For instance
, many Vietnamese students choose to take a gap year to live in a foreign
country
, which could help them enrich their life experiences and learn to be independent. Another reason is that having a year-long break allows young students to clarify their study or career ladder later.
This
 is because of the fact that during their time staying in another
country
, they can work for different positions so that understand their potential strength, hone practical skills and upgrade their language ability.
Then
 when they come back to their home
country
, they can apply what they have learned. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that travelling for a year after high
school
 in lieu of going directly to college could have some downsides, I would contend that the upsides which it offers are significantly more noteworthy.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop the ideas further, providing more specific examples and elaborating on how these points support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on a smoother transition between your arguments, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally to the next. This will strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion appropriately.
task achievement
Task response is strong, as all parts of the prompt are addressed and the writer provides a balanced view of the topic before concluding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: