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Band 3

As well as, making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
Into
Change preposition
In
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 the bargain, earning money and
business
 have social
leaderships
Fix the agreement mistake
leadership
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 too. I strongly agree that money-spinning has communal power
such
 as providing some of poor society. On the one hand ,
successful
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a successful
the successful
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 person can encourage
people
 to
community
Add a missing verb
do community
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 service
such
 as volunteering
such
 as cleaning
polluted
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the polluted
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beach
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beaches
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 and forests or using paper bags in order to get rid of plastic things. Most of
majority
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the majority
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 could admire
people
 who set up their businesses that’s why most of them may want to start their own
business
. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 influencer of society , businessmen could lead young
business
people
 to
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 world.
As a result
 of it, many
people
 can change their lifestyle in order to be able to make a lot of income and
this
 kind of activity can reduce poor society and pave the way to success.
On the other hand
, many rich
people
 can provide poor
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 with food and clothes.
This
 is
good
Change the article
a good
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 idea because wealthy
people
 have their own income enough to share part of it with indigent
people
.
In addition
, businessmen can provide most of
poor
Add an article
the poor
show examples
 majority with jobs, and
business
people
 can do supportive activities
such
 as helping
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 to pay taxes or university fees to make some
people
 happy and support them financially. In conclusion, the way I see it earning money
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 social influences
such
 as supporting indigent
people
 financially.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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