Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should government give more financial support to local film industries?
Despite different types of internal
films
that are produced even by professional directors; generally, people prefer to watch foreign ones. Although
, it has numerous reasons such
as restrictions which are applied, including financial issues; so, I think government
should do more Add an article
the government
supports
including monetary Fix the agreement mistake
support
aids
to progress the native film Fix the agreement mistake
aid
industry
.
During the last
few decades, movie
Add an article
the movie
industry
has been
become one of the most popular hobbies all over the world Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
the altered various of
genres that provide a huge variety of choices for audiences. Change preposition
apply
As
well as
Rephrase
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
international
movie Correct article usage
the international
industry
grows domestic directors try
to produce Wrong verb form
are trying
films
to be considered by critics. Although
, despite of
their efforts spectators still prefer those foreign language Change preposition
apply
films
. I conjecture that it has many causes such
as make up
, decoration of the scene, special effects and Add a hyphen
make-up
finally
actors and actresses. For example
, the “pirates
of the Caribbean” is one of the most electrifying and booming movies which has been sold Capitalize word
Pirates
more
than four billion dollars. Change preposition
for more
Masterly
Replace the word
Mastery
make up
and extraordinary special effects Add a hyphen
make-up
has been
caused many people Wrong verb form
have
in
all around the globe Change preposition
apply
be
absorbed Fix the infinitive
to be
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
that
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Also
, these factors demand a substantial pecuniary source.
In contrast
of
proficient directing and the alluring stories of home Change preposition
to
films
; they are not able to be box-office hit and it is owing to their circumscribed budget. In my opinion, government
should dedicate higher Add an article
the government
fund
as an encouragement. It obviously increases Fix the agreement mistake
funds
quality
of the movie Add an article
the quality
industry
and revitalize
its ranking; Change the verb form
revitalizes
as a result
, they become bestselling so that
they make a big enormous profit.
In conclusion, I admit that devoting colossal means Correct word choice
apply
by
the government could be regarded as an investment. In Change preposition
to
the
other words, If the authority tries to cooperate the headway of the entertainment Correct article usage
apply
industry
absorb more people to home films
and finally
it could be highly advantageous to Add a comma
finally,
economy
of the country.Add an article
the economy
Submitted by n97.mortazian on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and development. More comprehensive and developed ideas are needed to fully address the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas and transitions between points could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a varied range of vocabulary and some use of idiomatic language, but there are also instances of awkward or inaccurate word choices.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a mix of complex and simple sentence structures but also contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.