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Band 6.5

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes and effects of this change?

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The public who love money will control people and focus on anything that gives them wealth.
Therefore
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, the public lost their concentration on arts or machinery like being hypnotized. In the past, people's attention to profession, but dramatically now on mechanization and information.
Therefore
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, I will mention the causes and the impact of that huge difference in human interests, from craft to industrialization, technique and work. Any considerable influence in our universe comes with many reasons and plans,
such
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 as arts to discipline. In the past, crowds used to draw
due to
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 there being no cameras to save their memories like in the Egyptian Civilization. In comparison, now, it is effortlessly easy to take pictures whenever we want
due to
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 industrialization.
Furthermore
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, humans have a long day, so they used to meditate on the painting and think about the feelings of the artist for hours,
thus
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 no work to do.
However
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, nowadays, they have employment to take their thoughts, and profession is old things.
Moreover
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, with
this
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 advancement in technology, individuals thought to improve it by science in various types of majors,
for example
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, medicine. The effect of changing the values and decline in a profession in a few years is quite disappointing in some situations.
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 in other situations, is perfect. These days, there are many people with shallow characters without any deep thinking. Not only that, the effect increases the economy in many countries. It will increase more than today
due to
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 the field minds. But
also
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, there are incredible ability to discover new things by scientists
due to
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 their research. Helping us and having more knowledge. In summary, human beings tended to the craft in the past. The reason it's the only entertainment way to save their memories is by painting or singing. Suddenly, computerization, skill and work take them off to another entertainment life. That's changed many things in our world and affected it.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks clarity and coherence in expressing ideas due to the use of unclear language and insufficient organization. The logical flow of ideas is disrupted by imprecise expression.
Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the causes and effects of the shift in values from arts to science, technology, and business. However, the response lacks depth and coherence.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a limited range of vocabulary with imprecise and confusing word choices, affecting the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay has several grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word form. The lack of grammatical accuracy affects the clarity and coherence of the essay.
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