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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many museum charge for admission while others are free. Do you think that advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museum #charge #admission #people #museums
Museums
 are the places where we can see different artworks, ancient goods, antique staffs etc.
Museums
 can be specialized for a selected exhibition or
It
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 can show us various things together under a roof. It's known that many
museums
 charge an
entry
fee
whereas
 some
museums
 allow
people
 to visit without any cost. In my opinion, It is a must to take
money
 as
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
show examples
fee
 and the positive sides of charging
people
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the negative sides.
Museum
 is a
place
 to connect ourselves with our ancient traditions and cultures
Besides
, we can face their various recent inventions as well. The types of
museums
 might be a storehouse of different staffs on something selected like - science
museum
,
money
museum
 and wildlife
museum
 etc. As It is a
place
 for gaining knowledge and observation, the environment should be calm and
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
.
This
place
 should be open
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all. Recently, we
can
Verb problem
have
show examples
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a tradition of taking snaps, gossiping,
eating
Correct word choice
and eating
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 everywhere
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the holidays including
museums
. As other places demand
money
 and some
museums
 are free of cost to
entry
,
people
 take
this
 advantage and spoil the calm environment of
museums
.
Additionally
, these fun-loving
people
 can harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different ancient things at the time of taking pictures. If there is a change for
entry
, the number of these disgusting
people
 will be declined.
Additionally
, There is a
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 cost for each
museum
, They rely on the government's
money
 allotment. Whether they start charging
entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 that will be helpful for them to improve their infrastructures.
On the other hand
,
museums
 without
entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 can decrease the appeal of that
place
.
for instance
,
victoria park
Correct your spelling
Victoria Park
show examples
 is situated in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Its history. As the
entry
 is free of
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
,
people
 come there to smoke,
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 drugs,
doing
Wrong verb form
and do
show examples
 different unwanted activities. These scenarios are the result of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 and free
entry
. It would be better to charge a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 amount of
money
 to protect that
place
 and maintain the constructions there.
Furthermore
, there might be an offer for students to get 50% off always and 100% off
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 selected days, like - independence day, Victory Day etc.
This
 offer might be
appicable
Correct your spelling
applicable
 for the mass but always free
entry
 should not exist.
At
Rephrase
Finally
show examples
last
, I want to say that, considering all the terms and
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and situations as well, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of charging
entry-
Correct your spelling
entry fees
show examples
fee
 for
museums
.
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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and that all parts of the question are covered in detail. Make sure to provide a balanced argument with supporting examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing ideas in a more logical order and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Use transition words to connect ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, including more precise and academic language to convey ideas effectively. Avoid repeating the same words/phrases throughout the essay.
grammatical range
Continue to work on grammatical accuracy, including proper sentence structure, verb forms, and word choice. Review the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and subject-verb agreement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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