IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for historical and cultural attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#visitors #attractions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that the tourists from afar should pay more money than the local residents to visit the important sites and heritages. In my opinion, I concur with the idea that paying more because the
foreign
Replace the word
foreigners
show examples
 come from developed countries and the maintenance expenses are costly,
while
Linking Words
 remains a valid concern that requiring higher payments for the overseas could result a
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
show examples
 damages to the economy. On the one hand, the more expensive fee is suitable because of the foreign’s general economic background and the costly maintenance price. Individuals, who spend time and money
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, come from developed countries with a high income per capita. Leading to the entrance fee of attractions is regulated to be equivalent to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 high living standard of the visitors.
Besides
Linking Words
, the site was annually restored from natural and man-made damages. The Angkor Wat,
for example
Linking Words
, was reconstructed elaborately
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
 a year based on the original design in order to maintain its cultural and historical value.
As a result
Linking Words
, requiring higher charges for people overseas is an appropriate approach.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that foreign visitors should be offered fairness in terms of fees. Most local residents think that they have contributed to the fee by means of taxes. But,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overseas, in fact,
subsidize
Correct subject-verb agreement
subsidizes
show examples
 the host country’s economy by paying for a wide range of goods including: accommodations, restaurants,
souvenirs
Correct word choice
and souvenirs
show examples
. If they know they are not given fairness ,they will be unhappy and dissatisfied
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
discriminatory
Replace the word
discrimination
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
finally
Linking Words
 resulted in a reduction in tourism sectors and the loss of primary earnings in developing countries. In conclusion,I agree with the opinion that the payments for attractions should be high for foreign tourists.
Also
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 needs to be balanced to give an equation between foreign and local visitors.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but there are areas where your response could be more developed and focused.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and the supporting points could be more effectively connected.
lexical resource
You use a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of unclear or imprecise expression. Try to use more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Your essay contains a variety of sentence structures but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: