IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Online games are becoming more and more popular these days. What are the advantages and disadvantages of online games?

#games
There is a tendency to play
games
 online and it is more popular among people nowadays. Playing online
games
 has not only disadvantages but
also
 advantages. On the
one
 hand, it could enhance brain development and allow entertainment
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
On the other hand
, it can be a cause for new health problems and addiction may be a reason to make an impairment in daily
activities
. Through
this
 essay above topics will be discussed in depth.
Firstly
, internet game
activities
 are blended with a number of
activities
 which can help to improve cognitive development. Most of them use numeric calculations and
hence
 it affects directly
one
's brain improvement. Not only that it can be used as a leisure
time
 activity as it is not boring and makes pleasure by achieving the game step by step.
For instance
one
 of my colleagues, who was not good at mathematics at school age, now able to solve math problems in mind within a short
time
 period. The reason may be he is playing advanced
computer
games
 as a hobby. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it has beneficial outcomes, drawbacks
also
 can be seen. Spending a considerable
time
 in front of a screen may affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one
's vision and
therefore
, parents are advised to limit the screen
time
 of children to protect their eyes from serious vision impairment problems. Attractive user surfaces
also
 gradually increase the willingness to play
games
. Even though
computer
games
 are considered hobbies these types of
activities
 can harm people's daily
activities
 and the education of children
also
. Because most of the children spend too much
time
 on
computer
 entertainment
activities
 per day unknowingly.
One
 of my co-workers had to use spectacles after using computers for several hours daily and now he is on follow-up for eye treatments.
To sum up
, most people are playing
computer
games
 at present and it has both pros and cons as it may affect health directly and even if it is responsible for brain development
also
.
Submitted by laksrijayashan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear central topic within each paragraph and use a variety of cohesive devices and discourse markers effectively.
task achievement
Make sure the essay fully addresses all parts of the task statement without focusing unduly on one aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: