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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, private companies spend more money on scientific research more than governments. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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Presently, individual firms prefer to extend their business to improve their profit so that, they spend a lot of money on scientific investigations
instead
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 of, the
government
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.
While
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 there are some drawbacks of personal
companies
Use synonyms
 getting better, I still believe that these cannot overshadow the benefits. On the one hand, there are several merits of extending business with academic research.
Initially
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, when personal industries, support the projects so that, these
companies
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 access more occupations positions
then
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, more people can find work
also
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, and they have income.
Whereas
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, these
companies
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’ turnover increasing too much.
Secondly
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, the private manufacturers surf to improve their goods and way of the supplies
,
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apply
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 and have been producing less pollution.
Therefore
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, they have been helping the environment to become clearer.
On the other hand
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, the downsides of investigations are varied. If the
companies
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 are reducing their pollution,
thereafter
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 they must not pay a lot of tax.
As a result
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, the governments leave their fun
furthermore
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 they have to choose other income.
In addition
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, they do not accept
government
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 law because they are so massive and they have their own rules and unfortunately, they affect the country's law. To illustrate, in Iran, private refineries are the best factory for refining oil own rule and they don’t accept the
government
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 cost for gasoline
due to
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 the fact that they have special prices. In conclusion, it appears to me that the drawbacks of
companies
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 improve cannot eclipse the benefits. Notwithstanding,
this
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 will be not good for the
government
Use synonyms
, but it has some advantages for inhabitants.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay by ensuring there is a clear and smooth transition between each idea. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific and relevant examples to make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more detail and clarity. This will help to clearly convey your comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
You managed to cover both advantages and disadvantages, offering a balanced perspective on the topic.
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