IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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Some folks have been living in the same
hometown
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 for their entire lives.
This
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 phenomenon is caused by familiar feelings of the town and being near their relatives.
Although
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this
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 choice allows them to have a better social connection with the residents, they eventually have limited choice of work. Some
people
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 decide to permanently stay in their
hometown
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 because they are already familiar with every corner of their
city
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.
This
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 is because when moving to another
city
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,
people
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 need to explore the new neighbourhood.
This
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 often causes hassle for some
people
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thus
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 they prefer to stay in a more familiar place.
For example
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, research shows that after moving to another
city
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, the average amount of time needed to adapt to a new environment is around two months.
In addition
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, living nearby will allow folks to frequently visit their family, particularly those who have elderly parents. They usually need to check their parents’ condition more often. Living near the
hometown
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 allows
people
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 to have better social relationships with the citizens. They will be benefited when they need help from others. Folks tend to show more empathy to those they know rather than to strangers,
therefore
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 they are more open to offering help. Aside from the positive aspects, it
also
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 possesses negative sides.
People
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 lose chances to land a better job. Many
people
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 migrate to another
city
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 because it offers various job vacancies that pay better than the local jobs.
For instance
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, in Jakarta, there are more positions available that offer a great amount of paycheck compared to in Cimahi. In conclusion, the preference to stay in their
hometown
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 is because
people
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 already feel comfortable with their
city
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 and they prefer to live near their relatives.
Although
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this
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 situation possesses a positive side which is having a better social connection with the residents, it limits their career choices.

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is clearly visible, with an introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved by using a wider range of connectors and creating a smoother transition between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and previews the main points to be discussed, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the ideas without introducing new information.
task achievement
For task response, the essay somewhat addresses the prompt but does not fully develop the topic. The reasons for living close to where one was born are mentioned, as well as some advantages and disadvantages, but the explanation of these points is limited. To improve, expand on the ideas presented by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Ensure the response fully covers all parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons, advantages, and disadvantages thoroughly. Offer a balanced view where both sides are equally developed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
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