IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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Nowadays, there are many people who prefer to be self-employed, or
starting
Wrong verb form
start
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 their own business
instead
Linking Words
 of working for another
company
Use synonyms
 or
organization
Use synonyms
. Personally, I think that either of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 has its own advantages and disadvantages that
also
Linking Words
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on someone’s preferences and their circumstances. If I am given a chance to choose
one
Use synonyms
 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, I would prefer to be self-employed and
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 my own
organization
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 or business. Having my own team, creating something new, solving problems, and taking control of every single action in the
organization
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, is everyone’s dream. But of course, to be a pioneer
on
Change preposition
in
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 something, to create something, you will need thousands of trials and errors,
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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, and money to meet your
successful
Replace the word
success
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. Corresponding to that, we
also
Linking Words
 need a long way experience to be able to stand alone indeed. There are many points that we
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 to check to complete our readiness. And for me,
one
Use synonyms
 of those points can be gained by working in someone’s
company
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 or
organization
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. Despite the
company
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’s
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 or culture that might not fit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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ours, we can still learn something from it. From being a subordinate, you have your own point of view from your position towards the
company
Use synonyms
 that you agree with, or you did not agree with. And with that, you can always evaluate and
took
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 notes, or maybe reflect a useful solutions that you can implement in your very own future
company
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. In conclusion, being
a
Correct article usage
apply
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self-employed or owning something might
sounds
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sound
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 delightful.
Nevertheless
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, we need to contemplate that every successful person in
this
Linking Words
 world
also
Linking Words
 starts from zero. So, it is okay to take your time to prepare the best version of yourself by learning from the leading
one
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 until
we
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 become the
one
Use synonyms
 who leads.
Submitted by febrinhidayat on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the given questions. Provide a clear and direct response to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of the essay by structuring the introduction and conclusion more effectively. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and provide a clear progression throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, and demonstrate a higher level of precision and accuracy in word choice. Use a wider variety of lexical resources to express ideas more accurately.
Grammatical Range
Work on the accuracy and complexity of sentence structures. Vary the use of different sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms and achieve greater precision in communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
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