Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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For many, the key to reducing traffic incidents is to

give

Verb problem

impose

show examples

stricter punishment for driving

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

. But for others, the focus should be on different methods. The domain in which most crimes are committed is in driving. It happens on a daily basis

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

the

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point that most drivers are completely desensitized with the law.

This

Linking Words

is a big problem:

for example

Linking Words

, speeding. Everybody drives over the speed limit, even though it is prohibited. Yet

high speed

Correct your spelling

high-speed

car crashes are the most deadly, for both driver and pedestrian. So it is not a stupid idea to make rules more severe if an infraction is ever committed.

This

Linking Words

would make citizens more cautious, leading to

less

Correct determiner usage

fewer

show examples

accidents and more responsible conductors. Even if some of the accidents that can happen on the road are

due to

Linking Words

a driver not following the rules, other causes cannot be ignored. Take potholes

Linking Words

for

Punctuation problem

, for

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instance. They are dangerous,

provoke

Verb problem

cause

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many deaths, yet they are not in any case created by a person not applying

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the law. If we only consider the human factor, we will not account for other problems, sometimes much more serious and dangerous for human lives than any other.

Linking Words

Thus

Punctuation problem

Thus,

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we must face every issue with road safety appropriately

depending

Punctuation problem

, depending

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their

Fix the agreement mistake

its

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threat level.

To conclude

Linking Words

, stricter punishment for violation of the law may help increase road safety by a

considerably large

Correct word choice

considerable

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margin,

Correct word choice

but I

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believe that it should not be the only focus. We need to address every single

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

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if we want to make a greater impact, and it starts with recognising all of our problems.

santos_dij

Nov 10, 2023

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task response

Answer both views more fully. The second view is a bit short.

task response

Give your own opinion more clearly in body 2, not only in the end.

task response

Use more clear and real examples to support each main idea.

coherence and cohesion

Make each body paragraph start with one clear main point.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with simple words like however, for example, because, and therefore.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and more direct.

task response

You discuss both sides of the topic.

task response

Your position is clear in the conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

You use an example about speeding to support your point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

deterrent
repeat offenses
infrastructure improvements
public awareness campaigns
reckless driving
traffic management technologies
intelligent traffic lights
speed cameras
public transportation
minimize
enhance safety
allocate funds
road signs
road safety

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