Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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For many, the key to reducing traffic incidents is to
give
Verb problem
impose
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stricter punishment for driving
offenses
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offences
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. But for others, the focus should be on different methods. The domain in which most crimes are committed is in driving. It happens on a daily basis
,
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apply
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to
a
Correct article usage
the
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point that most drivers are completely desensitized with the law.
This
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is a big problem:
for example
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, speeding. Everybody drives over the speed limit, even though it is prohibited. Yet
high speed
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high-speed
car crashes are the most deadly, for both driver and pedestrian. So it is not a stupid idea to make rules more severe if an infraction is ever committed.
This
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would make citizens more cautious, leading to
less
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fewer
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accidents and more responsible conductors. Even if some of the accidents that can happen on the road are
due to
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a driver not following the rules, other causes cannot be ignored. Take potholes
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for
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, for
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instance. They are dangerous,
provoke
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cause
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many deaths, yet they are not in any case created by a person not applying
to
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apply
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the law. If we only consider the human factor, we will not account for other problems, sometimes much more serious and dangerous for human lives than any other.
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Thus
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Thus,
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we must face every issue with road safety appropriately
depending
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, depending
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on
their
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its
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threat level.
To conclude
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, stricter punishment for violation of the law may help increase road safety by a
considerably large
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considerable
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margin,
I
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but I
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believe that it should not be the only focus. We need to address every single
issues
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issue
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if we want to make a greater impact, and it starts with recognising all of our problems.

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task response
Answer both views more fully. The second view is a bit short.
task response
Give your own opinion more clearly in body 2, not only in the end.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like however, for example, because, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and more direct.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic.
task response
Your position is clear in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use an example about speeding to support your point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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