IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #rates #crimes #people #measures
Individuals are
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
though
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 crime rates are diminishing.
This
 essay will discuss how corrupt police
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 and less social
value
 are the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of the phenomenon and
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 suitable solutions are finishing these dishonest security officers and arranging seminars to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 social
value
 in the
society
. The main cause of
this
 problem is less ethical security officers.
Due to
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 stern
actions
Add a comma
actions,
show examples
 the main
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 like robbery, murder,
illegal
Correct word choice
and illegal
show examples
 firing stopped but some misdeeds
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 getting
bride
Fix the agreement mistake
brides
show examples
. They harass
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 in transport for extra money. Another reason is
fall
Correct article usage
the fall
show examples
 of social
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. That’s why,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
 drug addiction and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 misbehaved with their parents, not only with their parents but
also
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
with society's
show examples
 people as well.
Besides
, Eve- teasing
also
raising
Verb problem
rises
show examples
 drastically owing to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social
value
. These problems are responsible for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 concern though major
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 have been diminished. The viable solution is the police officer who is
corrupted
Replace the word
corrupt
show examples
 should be punished. Authority should recruit honest police
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
. Another solution
is arrange
Change the verb form
is to arrange
show examples
 seminars in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 so that social
value
 can
raise
Wrong verb form
be raised
show examples
. In the seminar lecture should
force
Verb problem
focus
show examples
 on
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
, eve- teasing which are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible for
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
 chaos in
society
.
For example
, In Bangladesh,
Sylhet
Correct article usage
the Sylhet
show examples
 division is the safest division because the mayor of Sylhet is aware
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 importance of social
value
.
Submitted by modudahmedamzad on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logic of the structure is not well established. There is a need for better organization of the ideas and the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents both causes and solutions, but there is a need for stronger development of ideas and examples to support the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • availability heuristic
  • media coverage
  • misinformation
  • urbanization
  • community cohesion
  • justice system
  • economic inequality
  • community policing
  • media literacy
  • surveillance
  • swift justice
  • social cohesion
  • neighborhood watch
  • deterrent
What to do next:
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