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Band 4

Some people think it is better to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacations. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. Adapted

#people #holidays #year #vacations
There are people who believe that it is better to have many short
holidays
 during the year.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 think there are more advantages than backwards to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 fewer,
however
, longer vacations. Let's get started with the benefits of having many short
holidays
 or days off. The first reason is when you have a lot of short
holidays
 you will never be that tired or stressed. Periodic rest makes you well rested,
calm
Correct word choice
and calm
show examples
. As an example, my parents have tried both options. In my opinion, when they had many short days off they, actually, were more calm and kind to me and my sister. What about rare and long
holidays
, I see only
one
 privilege.
That is
, obviously, exactly
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
. You can fully enjoy your vacation, take a deep breath and relax from
work
.
However
,
as a result
,
due to
 a long-term
holiday
Add a comma
holiday,
show examples
 it probably will be hard to start
work
 again. There are at least two reasons why. The first
one
 is that you will get used to your
day
Replace the word
daily
show examples
 routine when it should not
work
. The second
one
 is that your previous period of life was just terrible. You were working without
holidays
 for a long time, your mood has always been bad, because of a great amount of
work
. To illustrate, 2 weeks ago I had a 1 week holiday in another city. For me
one
 week of vacation is big enough,
that is
 why I experienced it all backwards.
To sum up
, there are some good and some bad reasons why people should choose
one
 or another type of their life, but
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
 I would rather choose small
holidays
 every 2 or 3 weeks
Submitted by mrtwaterr on

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task response
Focus on providing a balanced discussion of both views and give a clear opinion. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the ideas and include relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical structure. Use transition words to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary and use more appropriate words to express your ideas. Pay attention to collocations and use words effectively to convey your intended meaning.
grammatical range
Focus on improving your sentence structures and grammar. Use a variety of sentence types and structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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