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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
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It is believed by some that
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 are equally important as other
subjects
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 at school, particularly, in the early years
education
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of education
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 because it focuses on their holistic development and
also
Linking Words
 enhances their creativity skills.
Children
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's engagement in
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 greatly supports their physical and mental health.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
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apply
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 these recreational
activities
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 improve their gross and fine motor skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
children
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 get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in dance, it encourages their body movement.
Art
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activities
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 help them to know
about
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apply
show examples
how to hold a brush or textures and the same way pretend play improves their linguistic skills.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, I strongly believe that these extracurricular
activities
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 play a crucial role in their
overall
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 development and are equally significant as other
subjects
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.
Children
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's involvement in
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them more creative. They learn how to express their emotions in other ways, without realizing the fact that some learning is happening by just involving in these things. A particularly good example of
this
Linking Words
 is that
art
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 teaches them how to put thoughts
in to
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into
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 a piece of paper,
music
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 stimulates their senses and
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them to express themselves by using gestures and actions.
Also
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,
drama
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activities
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 give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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 for more social experience, which is why, I agree with the idea that
art
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,
music
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 and
drama
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 play a crucial role in enhancing
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 cognitive abilities and are
similarly
Linking Words
 important as other school
subjects
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. In conclusion, I completely agree that
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same importance as other school
subjects
Use synonyms
, specifically, in
children
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's early years because these fun
activities
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 contribute
in
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to
show examples
 their
overall
Linking Words
 development and expand the scope of their imagination.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the task and lacks clear and complete response to the prompt. The ideas are not consistently focused on the topic, and there is a need for more specific and comprehensive development of the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat developed, but there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas and the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices and transition words can help improve the flow of the essay.
lexical resource
There is a good range of vocabulary used throughout the essay, but some imprecise and repetitive language choices are made. Greater variety and precision in vocabulary can enhance the quality of expression.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure, and tense consistency. A more careful attention to grammatical accuracy is needed to improve the overall quality of the language used.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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