Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that
music
,
art
and
drama
are equally important as other
subjects
at school, particularly, in the early years
education
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of education
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
because it focuses on their holistic development and
also
enhances their creativity skills.
Children
's engagement in
music
,
art
and
drama
greatly supports their physical and mental health.
This
is because
,
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apply
show examples
these recreational
activities
improve their gross and fine motor skills.
For instance
, when
children
get
involve
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involved
show examples
in dance, it encourages their body movement.
Art
activities
help them to know
about
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apply
show examples
how to hold a brush or textures and the same way pretend play improves their linguistic skills.
For
this
reason, I strongly believe that these extracurricular
activities
play a crucial role in their
overall
development and are equally significant as other
subjects
.
Children
's involvement in
music
,
art
and
drama
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them more creative. They learn how to express their emotions in other ways, without realizing the fact that some learning is happening by just involving in these things. A particularly good example of
this
is that
art
teaches them how to put thoughts
in to
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into
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a piece of paper,
music
stimulates their senses and
allow
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allows
show examples
them to express themselves by using gestures and actions.
Also
,
drama
activities
give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
for more social experience, which is why, I agree with the idea that
art
,
music
and
drama
play a crucial role in enhancing
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
cognitive abilities and are
similarly
important as other school
subjects
. In conclusion, I completely agree that
music
,
art
and
drama
hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same importance as other school
subjects
, specifically, in
children
's early years because these fun
activities
contribute
in
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to
show examples
their
overall
development and expand the scope of their imagination.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat developed, but there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas and the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices and transition words can help improve the flow of the essay.
lexical resource
There is a good range of vocabulary used throughout the essay, but some imprecise and repetitive language choices are made. Greater variety and precision in vocabulary can enhance the quality of expression.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure, and tense consistency. A more careful attention to grammatical accuracy is needed to improve the overall quality of the language used.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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