IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are overweight and
this
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 is becoming
an
Change the article
a
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 serious issue. Other
people
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 believe the
solution
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 to the issue is raising the price of fattening
foods
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. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement and will elaborate on the reasons in the following paragraph.
To begin
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 with, in the modern world, it is common to encounter
people
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 who are overweight. There are many types of
obesity
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 based on the number of their Body Mass Index (BMI). The reason why individuals are experiencing
obesity
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 is diverse,
such
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 as it is genetically inherited from their parent, their body metabolishment
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 slower compared the other, health conditions, etc. Based on the following reasons, raising the price of particular food-fatting food- is not a
solution
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.
On the other hand
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, increasing food prices will not only affect overweight
people
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 but
also
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 affect low-income communities.
Additionally
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, fats play an important role as a source of energy that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 needed to conduct everyday activities. Eventually,
people
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 will continue to purchase the fatting
foods
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 even though it is expensive. Despite fats, there are other sources that can cause
obesity
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.
For instance
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 sugar in beverages and salt/sodium in fast
foods
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.
Obesity
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people
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 should limit the consumption of those source
foods
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 to prevent serious health conditions and high blood pressure-.
Furthermore
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, the best
solution
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 to reduce the number of overweight levels is to change their lifestyle. Exercising 30 minutes a day and eating healthy
foods
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 can speed
people
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's metabolism. In conclusion, increasing the price of fattening food is not an ideal
solution
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 for overweight individuals, as there as many factors that can lead to the problem,
such
Linking Words
 as genetics, health conditions and metabolism. The best choices to reduce
obesity
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 are limiting the consumption of source food -fat, sugar and sodium-, and changing the lifestyle.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument effectively. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Task achievement can be improved by providing more specific examples and elaborating further on the reasons. Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question prompt to achieve a higher score.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and accurately. Use a variety of synonyms and advanced vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
Work on the accuracy of your grammar by paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Aim for a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate more complexity in your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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