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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss both advantages and disadvantage of advertising. Include reasons and any revelant examples to support your answer.

#reader #revelant #support
Nowadays,
peope
Correct your spelling
people
 are used to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 advertising in their life, especially in their social media.
Although
 it really helps their needs, using advertising
also
 gives them some disadvantages. It is more like
double edge
Replace the word
a double-edged
show examples
 sword,
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on how someone uses it.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 thing that comes to every people's mind about marketing is spreading good reviews about their market's stock, in case they are a seller. Especially today we need more ways to make our products known by
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
.
Therefore
, we
use
 online advertising to create the way.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 thing that makes people
use
 advertising is its flexibility. No
like
Correct your spelling
Unlike
show examples
another kinds
Replace the adjective
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of advertising, the online one is more flexible than
another
Fix the agreement mistake
the other
show examples
 one. Like,
facebook's
Change noun form
facebook
show examples
 users prefer using
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 ads because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
reachs
Correct your spelling
reach
 several times people in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time.
However
, it
also
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages. Like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good reviews or news can be spread easily, advertising causes the bad ones spread
masively
Correct your spelling
massively
 either. Of course, for
Fix the agreement mistake
sellers
show examples
seller
Add a comma
seller,
show examples
 it is a bad thing.
Nevertheless
, kids
also
 can receive bad
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
 from the spreading of some
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
. So, we have to
use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising wisely and take the advantages
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by nurfaqihmuh on

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task response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of advertising, but the examples and explanations are not well-developed. It lacks depth and specific details to support the points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, and the essay lacks a strong conclusion. There is a need for better organization and development of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there is a need for more precise and sophisticated language to articulate ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks sentence variety and complexity. There is a need for more attention to grammar and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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