Some people think the use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do agree or disagree?

#people #phone #places

The mobile phone has become our latest appendage. Some people think these

devices

should be banned in certain places, similar to smoking, as they are considered antisocial.

However

, I completely disagree with

this

opinion. In my opinion, using mobile

devices

in social spaces does not have the same negative effects as smoking on society. Smoking is forbidden in certain places because it considerably damages citizens’ health and leads to fatal respiratory diseases.

Conversely

, unlike cigarettes and tobacco, smartphones do nothing to damage individuals’ health, as these are technological items which do not release harmful chemicals. In fact, most people criticize the usage of handsets because of the noise individuals make

while

using mobile

phones

in open areas or the reduced direct interaction caused by the usage of these communication

devices

Change preposition

show examples

some social occasions.

However

, these concerns cannot justify the claim that the use of mobile

devices

is as antisocial as smoking.

Therefore

, it is wrong to compare the use of mobile

phones

with smoking.

Furthermore

, it is not sensible to prohibit the usage of mobile

phones

in certain places. For one thing, it leads to inconvenience. Nowadays, not only do people use their mobile

phones

to keep in contact with their family and friends, but

also

to pay bills.

This

means the ban on handsets in open areas will bring individuals unexpected troubles. For another, With the rise of mobile technology, a significant portion of retail transactions, including e-commerce, is conducted through smartphones. A ban could disrupt these transactions, affecting businesses that heavily depend on online sales. It would cause many negative effects on e-commerce and online transactions. In conclusion, I do believe that banning smartphones in certain social spaces like smoking is not inappropriate.

Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on Sat Nov 11 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure a concise and focused introduction and conclusion. Clearly present a relevant thesis statement with a summary of the main points and provide a strong conclusion that restates the thesis and main arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wide range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure a smooth and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource

Continue to use a diverse range of vocabulary encompassing both general and specific lexical items. Aim for precision and clarity in word choice to enhance the overall lexical resource.

Grammatical Range

Demonstrate a wider range of complex structures with less frequent errors. Pay attention to agreement, verb tense, and word order to further develop grammatical range and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think the use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

It is difficult for many people to create a balance between their professional and their personal life. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some countries are struggling with increasing crime rates. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that children should be educated at school about paying taxes and personal budgeting Others think that parents should teach these things

Task 1 Academic Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.