Some people think the use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do agree or disagree?

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The mobile phone has become our latest appendage. Some people think these
devices
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should be banned in certain places, similar to smoking, as they are considered antisocial.
However
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, I completely disagree with
this
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opinion. In my opinion, using mobile
devices
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in social spaces does not have the same negative effects as smoking on society. Smoking is forbidden in certain places because it considerably damages citizens’ health and leads to fatal respiratory diseases.
Conversely
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, unlike cigarettes and tobacco, smartphones do nothing to damage individuals’ health, as these are technological items which do not release harmful chemicals. In fact, most people criticize the usage of handsets because of the noise individuals make
while
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using mobile
phones
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in open areas or the reduced direct interaction caused by the usage of these communication
devices
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in
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on
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some social occasions.
However
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, these concerns cannot justify the claim that the use of mobile
devices
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is as antisocial as smoking.
Therefore
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, it is wrong to compare the use of mobile
phones
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with smoking.
Furthermore
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, it is not sensible to prohibit the usage of mobile
phones
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in certain places. For one thing, it leads to inconvenience. Nowadays, not only do people use their mobile
phones
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to keep in contact with their family and friends, but
also
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to pay bills.
This
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means the ban on handsets in open areas will bring individuals unexpected troubles. For another, With the rise of mobile technology, a significant portion of retail transactions, including e-commerce, is conducted through smartphones. A ban could disrupt these transactions, affecting businesses that heavily depend on online sales. It would cause many negative effects on e-commerce and online transactions. In conclusion, I do believe that banning smartphones in certain social spaces like smoking is not inappropriate.
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Task Achievement
Ensure a concise and focused introduction and conclusion. Clearly present a relevant thesis statement with a summary of the main points and provide a strong conclusion that restates the thesis and main arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wide range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure a smooth and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Continue to use a diverse range of vocabulary encompassing both general and specific lexical items. Aim for precision and clarity in word choice to enhance the overall lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Demonstrate a wider range of complex structures with less frequent errors. Pay attention to agreement, verb tense, and word order to further develop grammatical range and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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