IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #e #g #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents
A
child
 should be raised by all the family
members
 like uncle ,aunt and grandparents rather than only parent. The
child
 should grow
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 an environment
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 it spends time with all family
members
 and
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
also
 know the feelings or meaning of the term family. In the present
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 many of the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are been raised by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents only ,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 the kids will not get the love and affection of other family
members
 . If in the case were the family was a joint family , the
child
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 come to know the real love and affection of grandparents. When the
child
 lives in a joint
famliy
Correct your spelling
family
 the
child
 would be able to understand
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how to live and share things with other people. If the
child
 was raised only by single parents the
child
 will not have
members
 of his or her own age to play at home ,
automaticaly
Correct your spelling
automatically
 the
child
 start to use
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 or starts to play
vidio
Correct your spelling
video
 games . In the situation
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 the
child
 grows
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 a joint family the
child
 would have
members
 to play outdoor games
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
also
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get a good companion to share
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative things . When the kid is raised in a joint family the kid would get
enormus
Correct your spelling
enormous
explosure
Correct your spelling
exposure
 and ideas from uncle,aunt and grandparent. I conclude by
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 that the
child
 should be raised in an
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 it could live with uncle, aunt and grandparents rather than growing
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
 parents .
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, and the points are not well-organized. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective in framing the essay.
task response
The essay partially addresses the task, but the points presented lack depth and clarity. It needs to provide more detailed and well-developed explanations to fully address the topic.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks variety in the use of words and expressions. It would benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including punctuation, verb tense, and sentence structure. It would benefit from more accurate and varied use of complex structures and sentence types.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support
  • emotional stability
  • diverse experiences
  • perspectives
  • strong bonds
  • sense of belonging
  • multiple caregivers
  • burden
  • balanced parenting
  • find a balance
What to do next:
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