IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on age, and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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There have been ongoing debates regarding whether retired
people
Use synonyms
 should not be forced to work anymore,
while
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 others argue that they must have the freedom rights to opt for their career paths without considering age. Both points of view and the reason why I prefer the latter argument will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it is sensible for some to believe that the elder generation must be prohibited to continue working seeing that several individuals think that they should have available time to rest after working hard for 30-40 years.
Moreover
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, various enterprises might think that
this
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 generation has a low ability to build their products effectively. Take the research of Oxford University,
for instance
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,
while
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 young
people
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 can create marketing ideas more than 3 ideas in one day, elder
people
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 merely have one idea or nothing.
Conversely
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, several governments in Europe bend over backwards to support elder workers. Because of the lack of capable workers and the suicide of the baby boomer generation.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 day and age, human beings are less interested in creating the number of popularity
due to
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 the COVID-19 pandemic, causing them to have more awareness, that having a child has a lot of caring costs.
Secondly
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, take Japan,
for example
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, elders are likely to suicide because they look at themselves as purposeless.
Therefore
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, I personally argue in favour of encouraging elders to have a
job
Use synonyms
 in order to prevent detrimental situations in society. To put it simply,
instead
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 of unallowing them to get a
job
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, the government can offer some jobs, which
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 fewer abilities,
such
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 as a cleaning
job
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 or a security guard in order to make value
people
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. In conclusion, even though others argue that elders are useless in the
job
Use synonyms
 industry, I think that if the government allocates them to the right place. they can simulate the economy in the long run.

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task achievement
Ensure you maintain clarity and precision in presenting arguments. Some points need more elaboration or are slightly unclear.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to strengthen arguments. Currently, the examples provided are somewhat limited.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow between points. Some transitions between ideas can be smoother.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, try to ensure each main point is fully developed before moving to the next one.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good effort at providing relevant examples, although they can be expanded and diversified more.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • age discrimination
  • work-life balance
  • economic stability
  • pension plans
  • life expectancy
  • older workforce
  • job market dynamics
  • intergenerational workplace
  • financial pressure
  • mentorship
  • productivity
  • new technologies
  • physical or mental decline
  • personal freedom
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