The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year.

#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year

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The bar chart compares the figure of employed Australians in terms of work type and sex in the previous year.

Overall

Linking Words

, among the seven job categories, Clerical and Tradespeople were among the highest job

preference

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preferences

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by Australians

last

Linking Words

year. It is noticeable that in most of the given work industries, more

men

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were working compared to women.

It is clear that

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clerical jobs were most famous in Australia, it is accounted for the highest number of workers in

female

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females

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at almost 1000, and

second

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the second

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highest figure in

men

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at roughly 880.

While

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most of the Australian

men

Use synonyms

were into trading

last

Linking Words

year (900), exactly 400 were working as

laborers

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labourers

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. Looking closely at the details, there was a huge difference between

men

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and women working in managerial, trade market, and production positions in Australia. Perhaps trading saw the most significant gap, the figure of female

trader

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traders

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was eight

time

Change to a plural noun

times

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smaller than that of male traders, 100 and 900 respectively.

While

Linking Words

managerial

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the managerial

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position was twofold higher in

men

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at 600, about 550

men

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were in production companies and

female

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females

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were just 100.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the number of Australians who worked as professionals

were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

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almost similar with 650 males and 700 females.

Submitted by sheenasedeno on Sat Nov 11 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

198 words

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The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year.

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it is not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.