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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
#information #population #zealand #age #group
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The table below illustrates the data about the population of New Zealand by
age
Use synonyms
 group. The observations were taken in 2011 and 2012 with a percentage gap between these years being shown
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
. In general, only the older generations had experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
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growth. The entire population of New Zealand
of
Change preposition
apply
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about was 4.4 million at that time and had increased by less than a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. Despite that, the demographic of people under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 had undergone a decrease from 898
thousand
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 down to 896
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Similar
Add an article
A similar
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 thing happened to people aged between 15 and 39, who represent the largest
age
Use synonyms
 group,
had
Correct pronoun usage
which had
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 become 0.2% less in magnitude than they used to be in 2011.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the population of
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
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 men and women (40-64) had magnified by 0.6%. Despite remaining as the smallest
age
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 group, citizens with
age
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being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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65 and lower have grown the most by 24
thousand
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 from only 574
thousand
Use synonyms
 being
persent
Correct your spelling
present
per cent
 before.
Thus
Linking Words
 65+ is the only demographic which has grown by more than one percent in a single year.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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