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Band 4

Some people say that schools should teach good behavior to children and introduce them to right and wrong. Parents should not only be the ones responsible. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #schools #behavior #children #right #parents #ones
In recent years, we might find
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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children
 in public
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in
school
were
Verb problem
apply
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playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 a
phone
for
Change preposition
on
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 any
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
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such
 as playing games, watching videos on the internet, or just scrolling social media,
while
 the
school
 actually not
permitted
Wrong verb form
permit
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 the students to borrow their
phone
 when in study time at
school
 because infrequently, the
children
 have a less of concentration if they are using too much screen time during the
school
 day. Over the course of the years, most people mainly
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents enriched by the information that appear in any sources
such
 as newspaper, magazine, brochure, and particularly
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
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authors tell them in their papers that appear on either blogs or social media about how
phone
 plays an important role
to influences
Change preposition
in influencing
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 habit nowadays and how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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phone
 can affect their
children
's behaviour. As can be seen, not all content creators have a good way
in
Change preposition
of
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 influencing their
viewer
Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 the
children
. Some
children
 may follow a bad thing
instead
 of a good one if they have no parental guidance in using
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 wisely. But, maybe the
phone
 is one of some tools that they claim as a thing that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a function as their stress reliever. So based on that, I hold the same opinion
with
Change preposition
as
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 others that believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 should be allowed to use
Add an article
the phone
a phone
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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, but I think the parents still have an important role to give any barriers to them.
For instance
, the
children
 would be allowed to use the
phone
while
Correct word choice
when
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 it is not a
school
 day and when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
school
 day their parents should be rigour to their
children
 to follow the rules.
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Address the prompt more directly and provide a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more explicit and cohesive.
lexical resource
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grammatical range
Paying attention to sentence structure and grammar will enhance the clarity of your writing.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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