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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over a two-week period in 2013.

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over a two-week period in 2013.
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The diagram displays information on the
cost
Use synonyms
 of one airline
ticket
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 between
Sydney
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 and
Melbourne
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, Australia, during a two-
week
Use synonyms
 period in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that the
cost
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 of one
ticket
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 from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 is higher in both weeks than the
ticket
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 back to
Sydney
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. For
week
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 1, going to
Melbourne
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, the price is higher on Mondays. And back
to
Change preposition
in
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Sydney
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, is more costly on Fridays.
However
Linking Words
, for
week
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 2, the journey to
Melbourne
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 and arriving back to
Sydney
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, the price of on
ticket
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 is expensive on Fridays. The selling price of
one-way
Add an article
a one-way
show examples
ticket
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 from
Sydney
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 to
Melbourne
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 on Monday is $80 in
week
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 1 but $50 in
week
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 2. In comparison, from Tuesday to Thursday, the
cost
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 is the same (below $40) for both weeks.
As well as
Linking Words
, the amount is
also
Linking Words
 the same from Friday-Sunday ($75,$70, and $50) respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 tickets from
Melbourne
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 to
Sydney
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 during the 2 weeks is most costly in
week
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 1. The highest
at
Add a missing verb
is at
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 $80 on Fridays. Following, $60 on Monday and Saturday, and $50 on Sunday. From Tuesday to Thursday, the
cost
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 is lower than $40. compared with,
week
Use synonyms
 2, Monday-Thursday is as well below $40, and on Friday is $60 following $50 on Saturday and Sunday
subsequently
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, ticket, sydney, melbourne, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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