Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #e #g #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents

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Some

society

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societies

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believe that

kids

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should

be grow

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grow

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Change preposition

apply

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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involve

Wrong verb form

involved

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Change preposition

with

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all the family

member

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members

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such

Linking Words

uncle

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uncles

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aunt

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aunts

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and grandparents rather than only

parents

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This

Linking Words

essay will disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion since the

children

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's development should be

handle

Wrong verb form

handled

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by the

parents

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without any distraction from other parties.

This

Linking Words

essay will first explain

abou

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about

the reason why

parents

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hold the crucial work to raise their

children

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and continue to deliver the disadvantage if other people

involve

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involved

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in the development of

children

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. As the

children

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's first place to learn about the world,

parents

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are the most important person that should

Unnecessary verb

apply

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handle their

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kids

Change to a genitive case

kid's

kids'

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life

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. The

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children

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children's

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first

life

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stage is the time when they start to understand things and

this

Linking Words

stage needs

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parents'

Correct article usage

the parents'

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role to teach their

kids

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about

life

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so the

kids

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can only accept the right information from their

parents

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without the distraction from

others family

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other families

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Moreover

Linking Words

, each

people

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person

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has their own beliefs on something that might be not suitable

with

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for

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the

kids

Use synonyms

even

Correct word choice

if it

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is their closest relatives

such

Linking Words

as grandparents, uncles and aunts.

For instance

Linking Words

, the

parents

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teach their child to be independent

while

Linking Words

the grandparents spoil them with everything.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the

involve

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involvement

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of other people in

kids

Use synonyms

life

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can affect the quality of their

life

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. They might

be confuse

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be confused

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with the information or knowledge which they should understand or use

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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in daily

life

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This

Linking Words

create

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creates

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the awareness for the

parents

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to be more

care

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careful

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while

Linking Words

raising their

kids

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in order to save their

children

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's future by taking good care of their personal

life

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and mental health that can be affected by how they raise them. In conclusion, it is

Change the word

apply

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better for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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to be

handle

Wrong verb form

handled

show examples

by their

parents

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over their relatives to reach

the

Correct article usage

show examples

good quality of

life

Use synonyms

that

affect

Correct subject-verb agreement

affects

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their future.

Submitted by Glo on Sat Nov 11 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and provides a clear but limited response to the prompt. However, it lacks depth and fails to fully develop the arguments.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a logical structure overall, but there is a need for clearer introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are somewhat developed, but there is a lack of coherence between ideas in some parts of the essay.

lexical resource

There is a limited range of vocabulary and a lack of precise and varied expressions. The essay relies on basic vocabulary and lacks sophistication in language use.

grammatical range

There are some grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense consistency and word choice. The sentence structures are relatively simple and repetitive, with limited complexity and variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

extended family
support
emotional stability
diverse experiences
perspectives
strong bonds
sense of belonging
multiple caregivers
burden
balanced parenting
find a balance

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Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

some people believe travelling in cars is good in cities while othes argue bicycles are good while travelling in cities. discuss both views and give your opinion

An increasing number of people are using internet to meet new people and socialise. some think that it has brought people together while some think people have become isolated. discuss both sides and give your opinion