Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.
Some
society
believe that Fix the agreement mistake
societies
kids
should be grow
up Change the verb form
grow
by
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
of
all the family Change preposition
with
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
such
as uncle
, Fix the agreement mistake
uncles
aunt
and grandparents rather than only Fix the agreement mistake
aunts
parents
. This
essay will disagree with this
opinion since the children
's development should be handle
by the Wrong verb form
handled
parents
without any distraction from other parties. This
essay will first explain abou
the reason why Correct your spelling
about
parents
hold the crucial work to raise their children
and continue to deliver the disadvantage if other people involve
in the development of Change the form of the verb
involved
children
.
As the children
's first place to learn about the world, parents
are the most important person that should be
handle their Unnecessary verb
apply
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
life
. The children
first Change noun form
children's
life
stage is the time when they start to understand things and this
stage needs parents'
role to teach their Correct article usage
the parents'
kids
about life
so the kids
can only accept the right information from their parents
without the distraction from others family
. Fix the agreement mistake
other families
Moreover
, each people
has their own beliefs on something that might be not suitable Fix the agreement mistake
person
with
the Change preposition
for
kids
even it
is their closest relatives Correct word choice
if it
such
as grandparents, uncles and aunts. For instance
, the parents
teach their child to be independent while
the grandparents spoil them with everything.
Furthermore
, the involve
of other people in Replace the word
involvement
kids
' life
can affect the quality of their life
. They might be confuse
with the information or knowledge which they should understand or use Change the verb form
be confused
it
in daily Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
. This
create
the awareness for the Change the verb form
creates
parents
to be more care
Replace the word
careful
while
raising their kids
in order to save their children
's future by taking good care of their personal life
and mental health that can be affected by how they raise them.
In conclusion, it is more
better for Change the word
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to be handle
by their Wrong verb form
handled
parents
over their relatives to reach the
good quality of Correct article usage
a
life
that affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
to
their future.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by Glo
on
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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and provides a clear but limited response to the prompt. However, it lacks depth and fails to fully develop the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure overall, but there is a need for clearer introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are somewhat developed, but there is a lack of coherence between ideas in some parts of the essay.
lexical resource
There is a limited range of vocabulary and a lack of precise and varied expressions. The essay relies on basic vocabulary and lacks sophistication in language use.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense consistency and word choice. The sentence structures are relatively simple and repetitive, with limited complexity and variety.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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