IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Even though smoking is fashionable among the young and old today, it has detrimental effects on society. Smoking in public has a negative impact on the health of
smokers
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, and those around them, not only that but
also
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, on the economy of the country.
Therefore
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, I wholeheartedly agree with banning smoking in open spaces.
First,
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when considering the health issues caused by smoking in public spaces, researchers have proven that both
smokers
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 and non-
smokers
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 have the same risk, or passive
smokers
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 have a higher risk than
smokers
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.
For instance
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, pregnant women who hang out in public areas
such
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 as public transport, bus stations, markets, and restaurants inhale polluted air emitted by
smokers
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, which affects both
herself
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themselves
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 and the foetus through the placenta. It causes
for
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apply
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birth defects.
According to
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 the latest health statistics, lung cancer is the second most common cancer worldwide. Smoking is the leading cause of carcinoma in the respiratory system.
In addition
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, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, asthma, and
bronchitis like
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bronchitis-like
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 diseases are aggravated by inhaling cigarette smoke.
Due to
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this
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, the government must invest more funds to treat lung diseases.
Moreover
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, when smoking is seen in public, teenagers tend to experiment with it. It is responsible for a collapse in education, and it
also
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 indirectly affects the future of the country.
To sum up
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, taking
in to
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into
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 account
above
Correct article usage
the above
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, it is crucial that smoking be outlawed in public places. In my opinion, smoking should be prohibited in public areas by law and enforced against those who violate it. Banning
the
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apply
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smoking in public is a social and national investment.

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task response
The essay demonstrates a limited understanding of the topic and lacks depth in addressing the prompt. The response does not fully engage with the arguments for and against the ban on smoking in public places. More detailed analysis and balanced consideration of different perspectives is needed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive organizational structure. The introduction does not effectively set up the discussion, and the conclusion is abrupt. Additionally, the linking of ideas within paragraphs is weak, leading to a lack of coherence in the presentation of ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resource in the essay is adequate, but there is a need for more variety and precision in vocabulary. The use of linking words and cohesive devices is inconsistent, and there are some awkward expressions that detract from the overall clarity and fluency of the writing.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in sentence construction, verb tense consistency, and word choice. The use of punctuation and sentence complexity could also be improved to enhance the overall grammatical range.
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