In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, citizens
become
Verb problem
are
aging
rather than in the past. Some Change the spelling
ageing
agrees
that Change the verb form
agree
this
provide
problems for governments, Change the verb form
provides
while
other argue that it is beneficial. This
essay will argue that the drawbacks outweigh advantages
because Correct article usage
the advantages
government
might Add an article
the government
loss
Replace the word
lose
money
and waste time to take
care Change the verb form
taking
for
Change preposition
of
Add an article
an elder
the elder
elder
.
When Replace the word
elderly
people
tend to live longer, governments need to provide money
to support Correct article usage
the elder
elder
. Governments might Replace the word
elderly
loss
a huge amount of Replace the word
lose
money
to give pension
monthly. Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
For example
, in Thailand, when people
aged
more than 60, they will retire from work and they do not receive income anymore. Verb problem
are
As a result
, government
need to provide pension to support them to survive. Add an article
the government
Moreover
, officials need to take care of them because officials give old’s
Change noun form
old
people
home to elder
. Some may think that it Fix the agreement mistake
elders
is create
more problems as officials need to find food, drinks, nursery care and accommodation for them.
Wrong verb form
creates
However
, it is argued that old people
give benefits because they will teach grandchildren a lesson. As old people
have experience more than pupils, they will give morals and lessons that they think it beneficial to children. Nevertheless
, this
experience may outdated
and cannot used in new social life. Add a missing verb
be outdated
For instance
, grandmother has a
opinion that Change the article
an
female
must stay at home Fix the agreement mistake
females
for cleaning
Change preposition
to clean
Correct article usage
the house
house
and men must go to work to gain Fix the agreement mistake
houses
money
, whilst at present both genders have a right to work equally.
To conclude
, citizens are
currently live longer and cause problems in terms of government Unnecessary verb
apply
lose
and wasting time. Replace the word
loss
This
clearly outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
advantages
which children will gain outdated lesson from Correct article usage
the advantages
elder
.Add an article
an elder
the elder
Submitted by fah on
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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. There is a need to provide a balanced discussion and clearly state the position in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. There is a need for better organization of ideas and clearer logical progression of arguments within and between paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in the choice of words. There is a need to use a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
The essay contains many grammatical errors and lacks sentence variety. There is a need to use a wider variety of sentence structures and to demonstrate better control of grammar and punctuation.
Your opinion
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