IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, citizens
become
Verb problem
are
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 rather than in the past. Some
agrees
Change the verb form
agree
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 that
this
Linking Words
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 problems for governments,
while
Linking Words
 other argue that it is beneficial.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the drawbacks outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 because
government
Add an article
the government
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 might
loss
Replace the word
lose
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money
Use synonyms
 and waste time
to take
Change the verb form
taking
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 care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
Add an article
an elder
the elder
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elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
. When
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live longer, governments need to provide
money
Use synonyms
 to support
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
. Governments might
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to give
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
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 monthly.
For example
Linking Words
, in Thailand, when
people
Use synonyms
aged
Verb problem
are
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 more than 60, they will retire from work and they do not receive income anymore.
As a result
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 need to provide pension to support them to survive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, officials need to take care of them because officials give
old’s
Change noun form
old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 home to
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
. Some may think that it
is create
Wrong verb form
creates
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 more problems as officials need to find food, drinks, nursery care and accommodation for them.
However
Linking Words
, it is argued that old
people
Use synonyms
 give benefits because they will teach grandchildren a lesson. As old
people
Use synonyms
 have experience more than pupils, they will give morals and lessons that they think it beneficial to children.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 experience may
outdated
Add a missing verb
be outdated
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 and cannot used in new social life.
For instance
Linking Words
, grandmother has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opinion that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 must stay at home
for cleaning
Change preposition
to clean
show examples
Correct article usage
the house
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and men must go to work to gain
money
Use synonyms
, whilst at present both genders have a right to work equally.
To conclude
Linking Words
, citizens
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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currently live longer and cause problems in terms of government
lose
Replace the word
loss
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 and wasting time.
This
Linking Words
 clearly
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 which children will gain outdated lesson from
elder
Add an article
an elder
the elder
show examples
.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. There is a need to provide a balanced discussion and clearly state the position in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. There is a need for better organization of ideas and clearer logical progression of arguments within and between paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in the choice of words. There is a need to use a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
The essay contains many grammatical errors and lacks sentence variety. There is a need to use a wider variety of sentence structures and to demonstrate better control of grammar and punctuation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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