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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that children’s leisure activity must be educational other wise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree .or disagree ?

#people #children’s #leisure #activity #waste #time
nowadays,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 so many
things
 to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
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 with their daily routine and it should be educational
otherwise
 their valuable time might
distroyed
Correct your spelling
destroyed
destroy
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 fully
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
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this
this
Remove the redundancy
apply
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statement, in below
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will elaborate
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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dicided
Correct your spelling
decided
 to support
this
 statement. first of all, it makes them motivated and
focued
Correct your spelling
focused
 to achieve their goal
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life. when they are
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 they do everything very interestingly,
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
this
 they learn so many
things
 by heart which they can keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and make use of
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 their
upcomming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
 days.
for example
; one of my young
brother
Change to a plural noun
brothers
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become
Wrong verb form
became
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very
Add an article
a very
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 famous singer at the age of 17.
when
Rephrase
apply
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. he is
9years
Correct your spelling
9 years
 old he
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to play
piano
Change the article
the piano
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 and other musical
insruments
Correct your spelling
instruments
.
from
Capitalize word
From
show examples
 that time he
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 very passionate about music and now he
achieve
Wrong verb form
has achieved
show examples
 his goal.
secondly
, they can learn many new
things
 about the current world.
at
Change preposition
In
show examples
 their free time after
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kids watch television or read
newspaper
Add an article
the newspaper
show examples
 so that they can learn many important
things
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, they can
learn
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gardening, many tricks and tips about mathametics,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get news about current situations.
for instance
,
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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Task Response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear stance on the topic. The arguments are not well-developed and lack coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and fails to provide a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not well-supported and the essay lacks coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates weak lexical resource with limited variety of vocabulary and frequent errors in word choice and expression.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors and lacks variety in sentence structures. There are issues with tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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