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Writing Samples
Band 4

54.The diagram shows the stages of processing cocoa beans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

54.The diagram shows the stages of processing cocoa beans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The graphic illustrates the steps in processing the
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is a 3 step, linear process. It begins with picking
beans
Use synonyms
, and in the second step is separated
in
Change preposition
into
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 two processes,
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 it results in two different
products
Use synonyms
 for consumers. First of all,
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 are picked up, the shell is
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
 from the
beans
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 and
then
Linking Words
 dried. In the second step, the
products
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 are pressed leading to
cocoa
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 liquor, which
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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is separated into two
process
Change to a plural noun
processes
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, in one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, it will continue pressing the
products
Use synonyms
, converting it
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
cocoa
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 cake and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cocoa
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. The
cocoa
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 cake is grided into
cocoa
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 powder, with
cocoa
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 can be converted
also
Linking Words
 into industry cake drinks, consumer can consume these
products
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, or directly buy
cocoa
Use synonyms
 powder. In the other process, the
products
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 will be refined, leading to industrial
chocolate
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, another
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of getting industrial
chocolate
Use synonyms
 is by
cocoa
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. Sugar should be added to the industrial
chocolate
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, and it will continue processed creating
chocolate
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
, and
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be sold to consumers.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, beans, products, chocolate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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