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Writing Samples
Band 7

62.The bar chart shows the number of tourists in three nations who traveled to New Zealand in 1999 and 2009. The graph below shows the number of tourists who spent their holiday in two different ways. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

62.The bar chart shows the number of tourists in three nations who traveled to New Zealand in 1999 and 2009. The graph below shows the number of tourists who spent their holiday in two different ways. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar graph below illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals who travelled from the UK, the US and Japan to New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 in 1999 and 2009, in the second chart, shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors who spent their holiday in two different ways.
Overall
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists from the United Kingdom and the United States increased
while
Linking Words
 Japanese decreased. The
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals who spent their holiday backpacking rose moderately over the years
while
Linking Words
 the ones staying at resorts dropped steadily. In 1999, there were 1,000,000
people
Use synonyms
 from the United Kingdom who went to New
Zealand
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 jumped to 1,600,000 in the next ten years,
while
Linking Words
 the US in 1999 had only 800,000
people
Use synonyms
 who visited New
Zealand
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, it almost doubled in 2009, with 1,500,000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, approximately 1,500,000 Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 went to New
Zealand
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, but
this
Linking Words
 decreased to just over 1,100,000 in 2009. Around 250,000
people
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 spent their holidays backpacking in 1999,
this
Linking Words
 grew modestly to 7,500,000 in 2004, and it continued rising significantly, ending the period with just over 1,000,000 individuals spending their holiday backpacking.
Finally
Linking Words
, around 1,550,000
people
Use synonyms
 spent their holidays staying at resorts in 1999,
this
Linking Words
 climbed to just under 2,500,000 in 2004, but in the
last
Linking Words
 5 years it went down to just over 1,000,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, zealand, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 3 times.
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