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Band 6.5

88.Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Some say that
parents
 should teach their
kids
 about how to be good community members,
while
 others would argue that college is where they should be taught about it.
This
 essay would argue that
although
kids
 will learn from their
parents
,
school
 is where
children
 start to socialize and make friends. On the one hand, little
kids
 spend most of their time with their family, they do not know what is correct and what is wrong, and the only thing that they do is watch and imitate their
parents
. So, what the
parents
 do will directly affect the personality and the thoughts of the
kids
, since the
children
 treat them as an example. Recent research concluded that around 80% of people’s personalities are similar to their parent’s personalities.
However
, I believe that when
children
 grow up will spend more time at
school
, so what they have learned when they were little will be forgotten.
On the other hand
, at
school
, teachers will teach the pupils about what they can’t do and what is wrong, preventing them from carrying out those types of activities.
Also
, at
school
, people start to socialize, and depending on the friends that they make,
this
 will influence their future, and if they will be good or bad members of society.
For instance
, most individuals who carry out crimes and illegal activities started to do it in high
school
. I believe that
school
 have a very important role in people’s behaviour and the activities that they may carry out. In conclusion,
although
children
 will listen and imitate their
parents
, they are more likely to be influenced by actions that people carry out at
school
 since they spend most time of the day there, and
that is
 why
school
 is the place where
kids
 should be taught how to be a good society member.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and directly relate to the topic.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and clear ideas that directly address the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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