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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The line graph presents the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over from three nations from 1940 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and the forecast
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 from
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 countries
rises
Wrong verb form
is rising
show examples
. It is expected that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 elderly
population
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 overtake that of
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. In 1940, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and Japan was at around 9, 7 and 5 in order.
This
Linking Words
 changed in 1980 when the proportion of American elderly people rose to 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 but remained stable until 2020. After 2020, it is expected it could reach the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 point around 24
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2040.
Likewise
Linking Words
, in
Sweden
Use synonyms
, the
proportaion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 slowly increased to nearly 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1980 and climbed to 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 after 2000. Despite a drop after 2020, it is projected that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Swedidh
Correct your spelling
Swedish
 elderly people
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 reach 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. It is obvious that the number of elderly people in Japan dropped
afer
Correct your spelling
after
 1940 but started to change in 1980 when it rose to nearly 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 after 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is expected to climb to the peak at 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 when compared to that of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population, sweden, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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