IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centres. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?

#countries #cars #city #centres #system #cities
Nowadays, climate change is one of the biggest issues every country is facing.
A notion
Correct article usage
Notion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many countries of using public modes of transportation can reduce many of the problems that’s why some countries have imposed a law
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car in
city
 centres. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both these views and at the same time give my opinion of
this
 trend. The first is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if more and more people will stop using a car that means the
pollution
 is
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
.
Secondly
, the transportation congestion problem will
also
 be solved to a large extent, because in big cities freight seems to be a bigger issue that everyone is facing nowadays. Another advantage is that in
city
 centre areas where streets and roads are not wide enough for cars ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pedestrians can walk without any fear of accidents.
For instance
, in London
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car is banned in the
city
 centre area
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 relief for
localist
Fix the agreement mistake
localists
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I am
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
favoured of
this
 development because by adopting
this
 trend 90% of movement and
pollutions
Change the noun form
pollution
show examples
 problems
solved
Add a missing verb
are solved
show examples
 and around the world each and every
city
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to adopt
this
 system.
Furthermore
,
this
 development is having a positive impact on nature because in today’s era where climate change is the biggest issue will bring more benefits for individuals.
For example
, in ,Singapore they have tried
this
 system it has a positive impact. And most of the people use the public mode of transport that’s why the
pollution
 is lower over there. In conclusion, banning cars from the
city
 centre is a good decision and all countries should implement
this
 law in their country because it is beneficial for people to reduce transport and
pollution
 problems ,in my ,perspective it is an excellent system and the best solution for destroying
pollution
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay tackles both the advantages of banning private cars in city centres and your opinion on the matter. However, the introduction can be more precise and directly address the benefits of such a system and whether you think it should be adopted universally.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect the clarity of your ideas. Work on sentence structure and coherence in each paragraph to make your arguments more compelling.
task response
You present a clear stance and provide relevant examples, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: