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Band 4.5

Many people are worried about cyber-crime and identity theft. What kinds of problems is it causing? What can be done to solve this problem? Give your opinion

#people #cyber-crime #identity #theft #kinds
Loss
pf
Correct your spelling
of
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 identity in bank accounts, social media accounts, and much more are quite popular, which is known lately as a cyber-crime.
This
 essay will examine the main causes of
cyber-crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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 and provide possible solutions to the problem. In former times,
people
 were less savvy about scams on the internet. They are not realized
while
fill
Change the verb form
filling
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 out the form or clicking on the link that has no clear resources, it has the potential to lead to identity steal.
For instance
,
people
 fill out the online form
due to
 terms and conditions for able to get some shopping voucher without knowing that action will bring privacy loss.
However
, there is another thing where
people
 trust easily unknown callers who persuade them about something which requires some data.
For example
, to redeem the prize someone needs to give some information to the speaker, including the address,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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phone number, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bank account without realizing it comes to financial loss and fraud. Some possible solutions to
this
 problem are
more educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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people
 about crime on the internet
make
Wrong verb form
and making
show examples
 them aware
with
Change preposition
of
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 that, because if someone is mindful, they will prevent some suspicious things from
unknown
Add a missing verb
being unknown
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.
In addition
, governments and tech companies should collaborate to tackle all the issues and
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cybersecurity.
To conclude
, many
people
 who are worried about cybercrime will lose their trust in online transactions.
However
, it can be solved by upgrading the regulations through collaboration between the government and tech companies,
while
people
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 process about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cybercrime.
Submitted by fatimanastitiniskala on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but lacks in-depth analysis of the causes and solutions of cyber-crime. More specific examples and detailed explanations are needed to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is acceptable, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas lacks coherence and needs to be better organized. Using cohesive devices and structuring the ideas more logically will improve the coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Using more varied and precise vocabulary related to cyber-crime and security will enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense consistency and sentence structure. Paying more attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will improve the overall quality of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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