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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 can connect
people
Use synonyms
 from diverse
cultures
Use synonyms
 and
generations
Use synonyms
 together. I totally agree because
people
Use synonyms
 can feel closer by enjoying
music
Use synonyms
 together and it is a medium that helps
people
Use synonyms
 understand each other better. The main reason why I agree is because enjoying
music
Use synonyms
 allows different types of
people
Use synonyms
 to bond.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 from different
cultures
Use synonyms
 and ages can enjoy listening to similar genres of
music
Use synonyms
 together and through
this
Linking Words
 fun shared experience they can feel closer.
For instance
Linking Words
, at New Year large groups of
people
Use synonyms
, of different
cultures
Use synonyms
 and ages, can count down the New Year and sing Auld Lang Syne together, and
this
Linking Words
 can be a great bonding experience and break down barriers between
people
Use synonyms
. After singing it is common to see
people
Use synonyms
 of different ages and nationalities hugging each other and genuinely wishing each other well-being and prosperity in the New Year.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it’s clearly evident, at
this
Linking Words
 time, that
people
Use synonyms
 feel closer and more connected despite differences. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 can increase the understanding between different
cultures
Use synonyms
 and
generations
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because when a person listens to the preferred
music
Use synonyms
 genre of another group of
people
Use synonyms
 they can know more about that group of
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I listened to the famous Australian folksong called Waltzing Matilda, I was able to understand Australian culture so much more.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I could understand the struggles that previous
generations
Use synonyms
 faced in Australia.
This
Linking Words
 increased my understanding of Australians and older
generations
Use synonyms
 and made me empathise with them, and understand why they behave in certain ways.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increased my ability to bond with them. In conclusion, I completely believe that
music
Use synonyms
 can bring different types of
people
Use synonyms
 closer together.
This
Linking Words
 is because fun shared experiences lead to bonding and increased understanding of others leading to empathy and an increased ability to bond.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
music
Use synonyms
 should be used more as a way to break down barriers
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 different types of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by delulcheva on

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introduction conclusion present
Introduction and Conclusion: The essay requires a distinct introduction and conclusion to frame the argument effectively. The opening sentence of the essay should more clearly introduce the topic and state the writer's position, while the conclusion should provide a summary and restate the position more assertively.
logical structure
Logical Structure: The ideas are generally well-connected but could benefit from clearer and more varied topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Utilize a range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.
supported main points
Supported Main Points: The examples provided should be developed further with more detailed explanation and analysis to strengthen the argument. Aim to link back to the main point more explicitly in each paragraph.
complete response
Complete Response: Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed. The writer should aim to cover all aspects of the question and develop each point thoroughly to fully satisfy the task requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clear Comprehensive Ideas: The essay contains clear ideas but would benefit from being expanded upon to provide a deeper analysis. This can be achieved by explaining the implications of the arguments presented and exploring alternative perspectives where appropriate.
relevant specific examples
Relevant Specific Examples: While the examples given are relevant, they need to provide a more in-depth insight into the topic. Incorporate a wider variety of examples from different contexts to further support the main points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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