In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People
live expectation increases at
Change preposition
in
present
day in Add an article
the present
which
many Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
argue that it adds more problem
, Fix the agreement mistake
problems
while
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
people
think the opposite. I posit that the advantages
unable Add a verb
advantages are
advantages were
surpass
the merits.
On the one hand, if the number of elderly Fix the infinitive
to surpass
people
continuously growth
, the governments would be bearing on hospital prices Replace the word
grows
due to
an inadequate the old people
to pay off. Thus
, the governments should allocate more funding every year whereas
that funding can be used for the
other matters related to education Correct article usage
apply
for example
. I consider that when its
phenomenon is ignored, the grant for Change the word
this
the
elderly health will take more than 20% of national funding Correct article usage
apply
in
yearly.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, it is hardly
to be Change the word
hard
developed
Change preposition
in developed
countries
when there are many old people
. This
happens caused by an inadequate the old people
to
produce money, whilst they depend on their relatives. In Fix the infinitive
apply
term
of being developed Fix the agreement mistake
terms
countries
, the governments should have higher "GDP". Even though,
some elderly Remove the comma
apply
people
can cost
their Verb problem
save
life
independently, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
but
it is a small number compared to others. Correct word choice
apply
This
problems suffocate societies because they pay taxes more. Change the determiner
These
For example
, people
who actively work must pay tax
regularly Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
whereas
it is used to cover the other unproductive citizens
issues. Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
In
Change preposition
As
Correct article usage
a consequences
consequences
, the more number of elderly Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
people
in some countries
climbs , the more amount taxes the government takes.
In conclusion, having more elderly people
only produce
more problems for Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
government
not only bearing more in hospital price matters but Correct article usage
the government
also
disclosing for being developed countries
. To suggest, workers of companies should consist of 20% elderly people
aiming to reduce unproductive population.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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introduction
It is essential to clearly present your position on the topic. The essay lacks a clear introduction that outlines the points to be discussed, which is necessary for a structured argument. Make sure to include an introduction that clearly states your thesis and outlines your main arguments.
logical structure
Work on developing a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting details. Paragraphs in this essay sometimes tackle multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader.
cohesion
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supported main points
Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point. Develop each point with explanations or examples that relate directly to the topic. Some sentences in this essay introduce ideas that are not fully explained or supported.
task response
To fully respond to the task, you must fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure to examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the ageing population and to offer a balanced discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas clearly and thoroughly. Instead of presenting the arguments abruptly, take time to explain how each point relates to the topic and develop it with specific examples or evidence. Avoid general or vague statements.
specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. Personal or hypothetical examples are acceptable, as long as they clearly illustrate your argument. This essay contains some examples but they are not clearly connected to the arguments.