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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, there is an increasing number of
people
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 suffering
health
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 issues seeking
alternative
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treatment
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 rather than seeing a
doctor
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.
This
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 non-medical
treatment
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 may cost less than going to the hospital,
however
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, the risk of it going wrong will cost more money and
health
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.
People
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 are looking for
alternative
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treatment
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 because it is cheaper than going to the hospital. It is widely known that medical
treatment
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 is quite expensive. Some
people
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 can afford insurance to pay the bills,
however
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, the rest who are having financial difficulties prefer to find
alternative
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 solutions to cure the ailment because it offers cheaper costs.
For example
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, getting an
alternative
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 medicine for a broken leg only costs $20 compared to seeing a real
doctor
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 which costs about $100.
On the other hand
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, visiting a
doctor
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 is safer than seeing a non-medical practitioner.
People
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, seeing the practitioner, may be falsely diagnosed and given clinically unproven or even dangerous
treatment
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. Some of them may worsen their condition, and eventually, patients will go to a professional
doctor
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 to treat their problems.
For instance
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, when
people
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 break their leg, they go to a traditional therapist who treats them in the wrong way and alleviates their condition. They may suffer infections and cause the leg to be amputated. I believe for these reasons,
people
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 with
health
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 issues should see a
doctor
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 directly to get the right medical
treatment
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 rather than
alternative
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treatment
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. In conclusion,
although
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 non-medical
treatment
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 offers cheaper expenses to
people
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, it poses greater risks than going to the hospital. I believe that
people
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 should stick to visiting their
doctor
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 rather than betting on their own
health
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.

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task response
Ensure that the examples provided directly support the main points and are relevant to the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of transition words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs and between different parts of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the vocabulary used to convey ideas, and ensure that words are used accurately, appropriately, and cohesively.
grammatical range
Pay close attention to sentence structure, and aim for greater variety and accuracy in the use of complex structures and grammar.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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