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Writing Samples
Band 6

Should young children be encouraged to follow strict rules based on their cultural traditions or allowed to behave freely? Discuss both views and give your opinion

#children #rules #traditions
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It is widely known that numerous communities are based on cultural traditions. So there is a debate about
children
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 from these specific groups, whether they should follow these strict rules or behave freely.
This
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 essay will depict both of these views. In my opinion,
children
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 should stand on their own ground.
Firstly
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,
children
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 coming from conservative families are more likely to go through behavioural issues as they are banned from attending most motives as it is a school that should be a priority.
Furthermore
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, the younger generation needs to assimilate with their peers which can only be accomplished by integration that happens in their spare time.
This
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 can lead to the zealous rebellion of these teenagers.That is why a rigorous outlook on life can badly influence a child.
Therefore
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, it is crucial that we teach our
children
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 that it is okay to go out once at a time and not hide behind the scenes. The offspring have to feel seen, and respected and that no one will force them upon anything as long as they are safe. As well, it is known that in strict societies religious topics are prominent. We should communicate with our descendants that it is their decision if they don't want to follow
this
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 path. In conclusion,
children
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 should be allowed to freely tell their needs so that parents can have a healthy bond that will
last
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 forever. Many psychologists say youth who are limited from any social
aspects
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aspect
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 of life are more likely to stop talking with their families in the future. From my point of view, kids should be fulfilled with the freedom to accomplish success.
Submitted by olaual on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the topic are addressed fully and provide a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions throughout the essay.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, use a variety of complex structures and grammatical forms to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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