IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.

the chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.
The given chart presents information on the comparison of the medium
hours
Use synonyms
 in sinecure that husbands and wives
work
Use synonyms
 during a day. In general, the initial impression from the charts is that the total
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked by married
women
Use synonyms
 is greater than the total number of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked by
men
Use synonyms
. Whilst
women
Use synonyms
 aged 45 to 65 may
work
Use synonyms
 fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 inside the
home
Use synonyms
 than younger
women
Use synonyms
, they
work
Use synonyms
 the greatest number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per day to the extra
hours
Use synonyms
 of paid
work
Use synonyms
 that they do.
Men
Use synonyms
 aged 25 to 44 spend only slightly more time working outside the
home
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 aged 45 to 64,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure is significantly higher than the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of paid
work
Use synonyms
 that
women
Use synonyms
 of the same age do.
Women
Use synonyms
 in the 25 to 44 age group
work
Use synonyms
 almost as many
hours
Use synonyms
 inside the
home
Use synonyms
 as outside, and there is only a slight difference in the 45 to 64 age group .
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 on medium three times longer outside the
home
Use synonyms
 than inside.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, work, women, men, home with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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