IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encourage. others belive that children who are thought to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for answers and include any relevent examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #sense #competition #children #belive #co-operate #adults #answers #relevent
Cooperation and
competition
 play crucial roles in one's life, with advocates for
both
 viewpoints. Some argue that
children
 should engage in healthy
competition
,
while
 others believe they should be encouraged to cooperate, fostering skills that contribute to becoming more useful adults. In my opinion,
both
 elements are essential aspects of a child's development, each having its positive and negative aspects. On one hand, we live in a competitive world, and
children
 should be aware of healthy
competition
 to strive for success.
For instance
, during my schooling, a friend and I engaged in friendly
competition
, resulting in improved academic performance for
both
 of us.
However
, excessive
competition
 can potentially lead to selfish
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, so teachers and parents should monitor
children
's conduct, emphasizing the importance of social collaboration.
On the other hand
, cooperation is an indispensable aspect of life, with students benefiting from
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it since their early school years. Sharing knowledge and resources with classmates, as I did by exchanging notes and guides with friends, can enhance
overall
 academic performance.
However
, there are instances where not everything can be shared, highlighting the importance of balance. In conclusion,
both
competition
 and cooperation have their merits and drawbacks.
Children
 should be made aware of the positive and negative aspects of
both
, equipping them to navigate a world that requires a balance of competitive and cooperative skills. Ultimately, fostering
both
 qualities can contribute to the development of well-rounded individuals. Send a message
Submitted by shahinka.687 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way. Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, but try to use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is good, but try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated language to enhance your expression of ideas.
grammatical range
Your use of grammar is generally accurate, but pay close attention to complex sentence structures and the use of advanced grammar forms to demonstrate a wider range of language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: