IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A lot of places in the world rely on tourist as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

#places #world #tourist #source #income #tourism
Many countries worldwide consider
tourism
 as a crucial source of income.
However
, if the tourist industry
boom
Correct subject-verb agreement
booms
show examples
, it will need highly professional management, because it could be a potential risk of trouble.
This
 essay will demonstrate how
tourism
 contributes to the remarkable growth of
this
nations’
Change noun form
nation’s
show examples
 economy and how it can create unfavourable conditions for local people. One of the greatest benefits of
tourism
 is the fact that it creates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and helps develop
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economic prosperity.
In other words
, the destination city appears as an important economic hub for investment,
consequently
 unemployment won’t be an issue in
such
 a touristic country.
For instance
, the city like Turkish
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
various brands expand their branches.
Besides
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
, adults who don't have any jobs, struggle to secure jobs as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tour
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 who go with them to find a gem.
Thus
,
tourism
 can play a pivotal role in local and national economies thriving.
On the other hand
, one of the main drawbacks of welcoming a huge
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
number of tourists
show examples
 throughout the year is that residents endure the pressures and unfavourable conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the streets are constantly crowded leading to bottleneck roads. Commutes are faced with traffic jams and overcrowded public transportation which is a serious problem that can negatively affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens.
In addition
, eco-
tourism
 could destroy the traditional culture of destination cities
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 bringing their own culture and leading them to be modernised. In conclusion, despite being the main source of income and a great supporter of the local economy, mass
tourism
 with non-adapted infrastructure is a serious problem.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is not consistently clear, and the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped. More specific examples to support the main points are needed.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task, with some clear and comprehensive ideas, but lacks relevant specific examples to support the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: