Some people think that children should be educated at school about paying taxes and personal budgeting in order to help them better manage their finances when they are older. Others think that parents should teach these things, and that children will understand taxes and how to spend money carefully through life experience in the future. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Nowadays financial education plays an important role in our modern society and result people are indifferent whether
children
students or grow in an environment of business, for that reason is
this
essay will discuss about if
children
should be educated in their schools or their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. The most successful model of education suggests that
children
need to understand the basic concepts of taxes and personal budgets to manage better their income in the future give value to our society become entrepreneurial and innovative in matters of business and add a positive impact on
competitiveness
Add an article
the competitiveness
show examples
of the countries,
for instance
nowadays there are young people being
multimillionaire
Fix the agreement mistake
multimillionaires
show examples
with big companies in different
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
of the
economies
Fix the agreement mistake
economy
show examples
, mainly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and entertainment.
On the other hand
, education from their
parents
is very relevant in order to break the limiting beliefs and let the
children
know and understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal finances and how the money world work and get income with intelligence and with less effort,
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
the
parents
need to support to the
children
and teach they are the resilience when the business is not working or loss money, learn about the mistake and being a strategic person in order to overcome the particular situation To summarise, I agree with both statements because one
is complemented
Wrong verb form
complements
show examples
to other, the
children
spend more time at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school and get more relevant information than your house or from the
parents
, in
this
sense when the
children
stay at home, need to validate the knowledge with the real-life
together with
their
parents
.
Submitted by rodrigovargas81 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clearer introduction and conclusion to provide a stronger structure.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the main points and ideas more logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and specific examples to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: