IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.
#percentage #households #four #devices
The given line graph illustrates the proportion of households that own four different types of electronic devices (MP3
player
, mobile
phone
,
computer
,tablet) over a period of 20 years (1995-2015).
Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that at the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the most popular kind of electronic
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 was
MP3
Correct article usage
the MP3
show examples
player
, followed by mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
It is clear that
tablet
Correct article usage
the tablet
show examples
 appeared later. The figures for every electronic device rose, except MP3
player
. Looking at the details, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 started at
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 point (about 8%). The percentage of households that have mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 increased to 70% in 2000. Despite a
fluctuate
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
 the rate of
computer
 users
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
 to 96% and took
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lead in 2015,
while
 the figure for phones
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to grow to 94% and finished
as well as
 computers. The tablet introduced in 2003, rose to 81% until the end of the period.
In contrast
, MP3
player
 was the most used (13%) in 1995,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leveling out in 1997 before slightly rising to 41% in 2015.
Submitted by mariiakuzmych065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words mp, player, phone, computer with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • households
  • electronic devices
  • ownership percentage
  • technological advancements
  • consumer behavior
  • market saturation
  • obsolescence
  • innovation
  • trends
  • emerging technologies
  • comparison
  • speculate
  • significance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: