IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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Worldwide, rural residents are trading
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 for
cities
Use synonyms
, which will result in
population
Add an article
a population
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 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 could have some negative consequences
such
Linking Words
 as making
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
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 market competitive
as well as
Linking Words
 excessive demand for more housing
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, people who move to
cities
Use synonyms
 need to find a
job
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, and as many of them are not able to be self-employed, they tend to be hired.
Therefore
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, if the number of vacant positions
be
Change the verb form
is
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 less than the number of
job
Use synonyms
 seekers, finding a
job
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 will become a competitive procedure, which has some negative points.
For instance
Linking Words
, many recent graduates who may be very motivated, have to compete with experienced candidates who have recently moved to the
city
Use synonyms
 for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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job
Use synonyms
 positions.
However
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, the young recent graduates have a lot of passion, they may have a lower chance as they are immatures. Despite the competitive
job
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 market of
cities
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, many businesses in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 may phase off or decrease in profit as they do not have enough qualified
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
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.
Secondly
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, new residents need houses which again can be competitive if there are not many houses available.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
immigrants may reside on
out
Correct your spelling
our
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skirt
Correct your spelling
outskirts
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 of the
city
Use synonyms
 or rent
a
Remove the article
apply
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housing for an unreasonably high price.
Nevertheless
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, the movement of people from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 may have some positive aspects. These people may have more medical and educational facilities.
For example
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, the number of hospitals and private clinics
are
Change the verb form
is
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 considerably more in
city
Use synonyms
 centers
therefore
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 they can arrive
to
Change preposition
at
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 medical centers when a sudden health problem
such
Linking Words
 as bone fracture
happen
Change the verb form
happens
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. In conclusion, considerable problems may happen as many rural occupants migrate to inner
city
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 namely career and residential problems,
however
Linking Words
, it may have some benefits for them.
Submitted by saba.yazdany18 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical progression. Paragraphs should seamlessly flow from one idea to the next, ensuring that the reader is not confused at any point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Both should clearly establish and summarize the main points of the essay respectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the supporting details are not developed enough. Work on improving the depth and elaboration of your examples and arguments to better support your main points.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task but you haven't developed a balanced argument. Ensure you explore both sides of the issue, providing more depth to your discussion.
Task Achievement
Try to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Work on constructing more developed sentences and paragraphs with a clear main idea supported by specific information or examples.
Task Achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to underscore your arguments. Specific examples help to illustrate and support your points more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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