In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Worldwide, rural residents are trading
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
for
cities
, which will result in
population
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a population
show examples
decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
. I believe that
this
could have some negative consequences
such
as making
job
Correct article usage
the job
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market competitive
as well as
excessive demand for more housing
area
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areas
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in
cities
.
Firstly
, people who move to
cities
need to find a
job
, and as many of them are not able to be self-employed, they tend to be hired.
Therefore
, if the number of vacant positions
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
less than the number of
job
seekers, finding a
job
will become a competitive procedure, which has some negative points.
For instance
, many recent graduates who may be very motivated, have to compete with experienced candidates who have recently moved to the
city
for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
job
positions.
However
, the young recent graduates have a lot of passion, they may have a lower chance as they are immatures. Despite the competitive
job
market of
cities
, many businesses in
countryside
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the countryside
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may phase off or decrease in profit as they do not have enough qualified
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
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.
Secondly
, new residents need houses which again can be competitive if there are not many houses available.
For
this
reason, many
of
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apply
show examples
immigrants may reside on
out
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our
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skirt
Correct your spelling
outskirts
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of the
city
or rent
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
housing for an unreasonably high price.
Nevertheless
, the movement of people from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
may have some positive aspects. These people may have more medical and educational facilities.
For example
, the number of hospitals and private clinics
are
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is
show examples
considerably more in
city
centers
therefore
they can arrive
to
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at
show examples
medical centers when a sudden health problem
such
as bone fracture
happen
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happens
show examples
. In conclusion, considerable problems may happen as many rural occupants migrate to inner
city
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
namely career and residential problems,
however
, it may have some benefits for them.
Submitted by saba.yazdany18 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Both should clearly establish and summarize the main points of the essay respectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the supporting details are not developed enough. Work on improving the depth and elaboration of your examples and arguments to better support your main points.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task but you haven't developed a balanced argument. Ensure you explore both sides of the issue, providing more depth to your discussion.
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Try to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Work on constructing more developed sentences and paragraphs with a clear main idea supported by specific information or examples.
Task Achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to underscore your arguments. Specific examples help to illustrate and support your points more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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