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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows what anthropology graduates from on university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five yeas.

The chart below shows what anthropology graduates from on university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five yeas.
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The pie chart illustrates the lifestyle of anththroplody graduates after completing their university
studies
Use synonyms
. The table depicts the wages they get after five years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of them full-time
workers
Use synonyms
 just over half. Part-time
workers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 doing
studies
Use synonyms
 are the lowest proportion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 part-time
workers
Use synonyms
 and unemployed place next respectively. The rest show the same percentage of full-time
studies
Use synonyms
 and no detail. In the table, the government
sector
Use synonyms
 is the most salaried employee among the
three
Use synonyms
sectors
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. It is obvious, that a large portion is the full-time
workers
Use synonyms
 just over half 52%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, part-time
workers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 studying the least 5%. Part-time
workers
Use synonyms
 and unemployed are shown almost 1 to four together 15%, and 12% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, full-time work and
studies
Use synonyms
 have the same proportion as the graduates without details after leaving university.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I can see in the table among the
three
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
 government
sector
Use synonyms
 has the highest employment and most salaried
sector
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other two
sector
Use synonyms
 all
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
leads from their institutes. 50% 40% 30% government, Freelance consultant, and private companies respectively. But anthropology employee earns more than 1 to fourth from salaries of the
three
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
 by more than $75000 except the private
sector
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. 90% per cent take over 50000$ salary. Under $50000 are the least among the
three
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
 all are under the 1 to 10

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words studies, workers, sector, three, sectors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anthropology graduates
  • undergraduate degree course
  • chart
  • table
  • findings
  • conclusions
  • salary data
  • comparisons
  • summarize
  • opinion
  • suggestions
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