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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The graph depicts
survey’s
Correct article usage
the survey’s
show examples
 conclusion about the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
’s
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 when they buy
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in five Australian cities in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks in three categories. In general, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the highest
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest. From the bar graph, it can be clearly seen that there was almost 65%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 in Melbourne went to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 café
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
. It was followed by Sydney and Hobart which had about 60%. Meanwhile, Adelaide only had just under 50%, it was the lowest in
this
Linking Words
 category. Moving to the other two categories,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with other cities, Hobart
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest percentage in terms of
people
Use synonyms
 who purchased instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 with approximately 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, for
category
Add an article
the category
a category
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
, Sydney had almost 45%.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 Brisbane could not touch 35%, it put them as the lowest number.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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