Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives

In the pursuit of cultivating a harmonious equilibrium between professional and personal life, many aspire to

this

, yet only a fraction successfully attain it.

This

essay will discuss the intricacies of

this

challenge are rooted in various factors and the necessitating targeted interventions. A primary obstacle to achieving

this

harmony is the relentless escalation of occupational stress. The heightened expectations of contemporary society ensnare individuals in their careers, leaving insufficient time for other life dimensions.

Firstly

, technological advancements contribute to a continuous influx of job-related information during non-working periods,

further

blurring the lines between professional responsibilities and personal time.

In addition

, societal expectations and prevailing workplace cultures exacerbate

this

challenge. Some succumb to societal pressures, convinced that significant professional accomplishments require unwavering dedication. Workplace cultures that emphasize prolonged working hours perpetuate the notion that recognition can only be earned through intense commitment, trapping individuals in an inescapable cycle of overwork and hindering equilibrium. To surmount these problems, in the

first,

businesses must champion more flexible arrangements. By offering options

such

as adjustable schedules and remote work, employers enable employees to reconcile their professional and personal lives. Establishing a culture that values efficiency over extended periods helps shift the mindset away from overworking.

Moreover

, individuals need to enhance self-management by setting clear goals and prioritizing personal aspects.

For example

, Developing realistic schedules ensures sufficient time for personal interests and familial activities outside of their careers. In conclusion, attaining a harmonious equilibrium between professional and personal life remains a pervasive challenge. By refining structures, adjusting societal expectations, and reinforcing individual self-management, society can progress towards a more balanced and fulfilling existence.

Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on Mon Nov 13 2023

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Task Achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task with clear and relevant ideas. However, the main points could be more strongly supported with additional examples or elaboration.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with an effective introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are presented coherently, but the supporting examples could be more elaborated to enhance cohesion and coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay displays a wide range of vocabulary with appropriate and varied language use. However, more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary can be incorporated to enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range

The essay exhibits a good command of grammar with varied sentence structures. Some sentences could be more complex, and more attention to accurate and precise language use is recommended.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. Do you agree or disagree

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will soon be no role for the teachers in classrooms. What extent do you agree or disagree

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.