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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 day and age,
life
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 is always a hotly debated topic. Some individuals believe that competition at
work
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, at school and in daily
life
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 is a good thing.
However
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,
others
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 claim that we should endeavour to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other. The following essay will discuss both views.
To begin
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 with, some citizens say that it is necessary to compete at
work
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, at school and in daily
life
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. It is easy to understand because when
people
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 see that their friends or coworkers always achieve success, but they do not have anything,
then
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 they will try to
work
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 or study harder so that they can reach more success than
others
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. So competition can be a motivation for them to develop themselves.
For example
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, in a class, students always try to reach rank 1 so that their parents can be proud of them.
In addition
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, it
also
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 helps them have excellent academic results and in the future, it can create many opportunities in university for them.
However
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,
others
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 argue that we should endeavour to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other. It is
also
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 not false because many
people
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 working together can create a bigger success and tasks are
also
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 solved more efficiently and logically.
In addition
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, it helps their relationship become better.
For instance
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, if a person builds a house, they will need several years,
however
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, if many
people
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work
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 together, the house can be completed in 1 year.
Moreover
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, when working, they
also
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 talk and share with
others
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 so it is happier and not tired. In conclusion, many
people
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 think that it is good to have competition at
work
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, at school and in daily
life
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.
However
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,
others
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 oppose and claim that we should try to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other. In my opinion, both two statements are true but there are likelihoods we can not cooperate and vice versa but in all likelihoods, we should try our best.

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task achievement
Your essay discusses both views effectively, but the discussion could be deepened. Make sure each argument is thoroughly explored.
task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement to outline your perspective more explicitly in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Some ideas might seem somewhat disjointed.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations; focus on specific, concrete examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant, aiding in the explanation of your points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with separate paragraphs for different ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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